don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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