Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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