Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
