I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
