I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
