I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
