I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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