i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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