we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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