If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So. Much. Porn.
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