Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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