I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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