these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
