HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
