there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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