Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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