I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
