I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
