Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
