Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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