i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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