i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
