The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
