We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
