I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
