The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
