no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
