Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
