Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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