Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
