Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
