They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize