you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
