we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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