ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
