i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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