I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
