My girlfriend figured out who you are.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
