Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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