This is not my ceiling
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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