what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
