Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
