we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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