I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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