i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize