I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
how drunk are you?
Several
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
