I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize