hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
