She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
