your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
