seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
