I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize