someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
