if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
