Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
