i just made my gag reflex go away.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
