Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
