got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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