YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
