Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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