I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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