never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
