I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
