I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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