just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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