shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
