you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
