Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
