I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
