Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
