nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
