I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
